Are you there?

All the things that matter to me, mattered to us,

Matter so little to anyone else

If they even matter at all. It’s all so intimate. Small.

No-one but you could ever remember how we sat in that bar.

I can try and explain, paint a picture, tell the tale of our joy and the blight on our stars,

But really, why should anyone care?

No-one but you can know or remember that one special night

When we met in a world that was flooded with lights.

We were there. We were present. We were so very there.  

No-one but you can remind me of words even I have forgotten past reasonable trace.

I have to scrape every shadowy cave of my brain just to recall the shape of your face.

A face I so loved. A beautiful face.

No-one but you could make me keep looking, hoping to see you around every corner, through a window, in a crowd, alone on a bench, out with your kids (assuming you had some), walking through galleries, buying fruit at the market.  Do you still play guitar and sing in the street? Do you visit our favourite tree in the park? You’re far older for sure. So am I. Have we passed in the street? Maybe you can’t even walk anymore. I don’t care as long as you’re there. Somewhere, still there.

I’m so frustrated looking for you,

when I know in my heart that you’re already gone.

How can I ever know if that’s true?    

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Mistrust of certainty

I need proof of everything. You say that tastes good but how do I know if I don’t try it too? It’s the same with everything else. You told me don’t do this and don’t do that, it will turn out badly, and what you say might sound like sense, but I don’t know for sure without doing it all myself. What if it’s terrible for you but good for me? If it’s good for me but hurts you I had better not do it. We all need to look and listen. Harmony makes a good measure of what’s right and wrong, just as it does in music.

And then there are all those bigger things we are just supposed to believe in. I don’t. I might like to believe them but that won’t make them true. I must see them or if they can’t be seen I have to feel them or sense them and understand their value. I must know for myself and test it from every angle. Even then I might doubt it. I don’t think doubt is such a bad thing. Doubt makes you an explorer. It’s people who are far too sure about things that get us all into trouble. They are often not guided by kindness. That’s the ultimate question in every situation. Ask yourself this. Is it kind?

I have no idea why I wrote this. But I did.